Marriage Crushing

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This post has stuff about a previous relationship. My perspective has changed

Charlize Theron, Aeon Flux

Crushes get a lot of attention among girlfriends but what about by couples? Are crushes okay for people who are married? I think so, but why?

Crushes are generally fun, lighthearted, and rarely a source of contention for Mary and me. I used to have a crush on Natalie Portman because of her sweet costumes in Star Wars. Now it’s Charlize Theron because of her role in Aeon Flux. Mary has her crushes too, like Curtis Stone from Take Home Chef and David Beckham the famous soccer player. We make fun of each other a little bit and then move on.

The Urban Dictionary defines a crush as "a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special." That definition seems a little profuse to me. I usually think of a crush as just someone who you find attractive or special in some way.

The difference is desire. When you introduce desire into a crush you’ve crossed the line. Desire can cause insecurity or jealousy which makes it hard to be open and honest with your spouse. In turn, a lack of openness can cause mistrust which is very bad for a marriage.

On the other hand, talking about your crush can build trust. If your spouse has any issues it can be a great time to discuss them. And "crush-talk" gives you a chance to be open about your preferences.

Here are some guidelines for crush talk:

  • Be sensitive
  • Watch for red flags
  • Keep it lighthearted Talking about a crush with your spouse can be fun and beneficial as long as you keep your desires in check and follow a few simple guidelines.

I’d like to know: Have you ever had an argument from a crush conversation? Tell me your story.